Writers Literary

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PREPARED BY: Ellen

The Book’s Title – How catchy is it? How well does it convey the content?

This a great title for a superhero, and you’ve certainly got the makings of one with John Webber. Your story craftily blends action, romance, suspense and science fiction.

The Book’s Current Logline – Does it intrigue the reader? Is it written correctly?

A logline is a one or two sentence version of your story. You can see examples by searching for the word “logline” online, or by looking at a screenwriting book. An example is something like this:

An alienated boy bonds with an extra-terrestrial who's been stranded on earth; the boy defies the adults to help the alien contact his mother ship so he can go home. (E.T.)

A self-centered hotshot returns home for his father's funeral and learns the family inheritance goes to an autistic brother he never knew he had. (Rainman).

Yours might go something like this:

Kidnapped as a child, a young man’s search for identity is complicated when he’s infected with an alien life-form that gives him super-human powers. The army wants him as a weapon, he just wants to find out who he is.

The Book’s Current Synopsis – How well does it intrigue the reader?

The synopsis is certainly intriguing. It’s a great set-up for a very modern super-hero. One who is very human. It is a little confusing who John’s real parents are. Because you’re dealing with three sets of “parents” you may try breaking this down to be as simple as possible. I’ll try to show you how in the pitch sheet you’ve ordered.

You might check out some other synopses or even book reviews. They often clearly write about complex plots and whet the reader’s appetite— and that’s exactly what your writing should do for your synopsis.

Try to just tell your story in your own voice, and avoid telling us “what” it is your story accomplishes. Let the story (or even the synopsis) do its job.

Example: “The final chapter ends in a cliffhanger that will leave the readers mouth watering for the sequel.” Just tell us the cliffhanger. Believe me, when I read the Chapter outline and finally got to see John and Michelle together, I thought it was great. I’m dying to see how exciting Blackhawk II will be with twins.

Look back through your synopsis to see where else you’ve “told” instead of just shown.

The Book’s Narrative -- How easily could the story be adapted to Film? Discuss adjustments which might be necessary. Discuss how well the narrative would (or wouldn’t) work within the 3 Act structure common to all screenplays.

3-Act Structure is a very specific animal. If you’re unfamiliar with it, you can check out websites and books from your library for free. They all cover similar territory. I recommend at least two to gain a clear picture of what “the rules” are.

Your narrative is set in the past and is fairly complicated because of John’s history. It is very exciting, and has a lot of story. You also have a great set-up with John’s accident with the satellite. But for a movie, audiences want to see excitement up front, and they want to cut to the action quickly. To adapt Blackhawk would take some re-arranging. Your narrative would remain intact because the story is the same, but the shape or “structure,” would change dramatically. The accident would come at around 30 pages into the script, or 1/2 an hour of screen time. The narrative would be adapted to place urgency on John finding his identity, and to place that need in direct conflict with his current family.

The 2^nd act, or the middle hour of the movie would pit John’s heroics for the military against his goals of finding out who he really is. This might require changing his function from in-country Viet Nam op, to a highly mobile man who strikes and then goes back Stateside.

The last 1/3 of the film, or Act III would have John finding out that his birth mother could not have been, that he’s got a twin, and that a Soviet mole took his blood and that a duplicate is being built to kill him.

This is just a brief discussion of possible changes to have your rich, exciting story conform to movie standards. It all fits, but it’s moved around for purposes of timing, pacing, and the speed at which movies happen. It is also possible that the era in which it is told would be updated, and that the kidnapping subplot might be eliminated. Sometimes all of a novel cannot fit neatly into a script. It’s also possible that supporting characters will be combined. It can get hard in a movie to keep track of more than 5 story lines. Usually move companies prefer fewer for clarity of storytelling.

How are the Book’s Current Characters? Would they translate cinematically? How about their dialogue? What adjustments must be made?

You’ve got some great characters. Hard-working, simple American people with a deeply conflicted individual at the center. John is definitely the hero and he shines the brightest. You might consider sketching out your other characters to amplify their characteristics for filmic purposes. Could Brad Gates be a double agent for the Soviets? Is Kelli Blair unable to control her pheromone-driven passion for John? Does she threaten Janice’s designs on John? Could Matthew’s heritage have a story about a character like John, a white man who becomes like a spirit? Could Eric be a childhood friend who becomes John’s confidante about his super powers?

I noticed that in your character summary, you left out the love interests Janice and Cathy. And in your chapter summary, Janice simply disappears after breaking off the engagement. You might consider the classic dynamic of super powers getting in the way of romance. A love interest strengthens John’s adult character and gives him a rich inner life of conflict. As she is, Janice reads a little flat and could be brought up to the presence of Kelli, who seems like a stronger character. Most importantly, in a film, the main character needs someone to tell his thoughts to. In the book, we’re in his head. In the movie, he’s got to show how he feels. Janice, Cathy, or even Kelli might be a way to do that. [Note: You spell Kelli two different ways, sometimes with a “y.”]

Discuss Book-to-Script Adaptation Dynamics as applicable:

Settings/Locations/Time Period -- in regard to Budget and Production ease or difficulty:

This is a big-budget film. You’ve got a period spanning the 60’s and 70’s, multiple locations, and lots of travel around America and to the Far East . It would be a challenge to bring it all together, but film companies love anything new, exciting and different. That said, the Viet Nam Era does not have the same nostalgic feel that WWII does. There are a lot of adventure films set in that period. Viet Nam is still too fresh in the American consciousness for a sci-fi adventure. You may consider changing the war elements in order to adapt this. John can still be a powerhouse weapon for the military, but his activities could be updated to the Persian Gulf , or generic skirmishes in Arabia , Afghanistan , etc.

Potential Budget Level – is it in line with expectations for the Target Demographic/ Audience:

This is a movie that would most appeal to men 18-25. With an increase in a romantic angle, you bring in women of the same age. If the themes of identity and search for family are kept in the film, it might expand to a broader audience.

The film is obviously going to be a big budget movie, but the demographic you fall into is the largest, and the one that fuels the movie industry for the most part.

Themes – Would they translate well cinematically? Are they of “feature film” import?

You’re right on target with themes. Super heroes are traditionally tragic characters full of frustration, secrets and conflicts. I would do what I could to amplify any of these elements in a screen adaptation. Spiderman I and II have been called the best superhero movies ever made. And then “Batman Begins,” comes out and is just as good. So you have very recent movies that are incredible examples of genre filmmaking. Take a close look at how the hero is shaped, and in turn, shapes his world.

Discuss/describe Additional Elements from a Cinematic standpoint – e.g. visual effects, e.g. action sequences -- as applicable to the genre of the novel

You have a movie that is 1/3hunt, 1/3 action, 1/3 drama. Not a bad mix. But the novel is “slow” in movie terms. Many chapters spend a lot of time getting to what we’re waiting for. The powers. The girl. The villain. You don’t have to give us everything up front, but at least introduce these ideas sooner. That’s cinematic. We know in the beginning what it is we’re going to get. We just don’t know how it’s all going to work out. Instead of starting with the Walkers, SKIP THEM. And then go back. That’s right. Have it be as much of a surprise for John as it is for us. It saves time, makes the story more exciting, and deepens John’s identity crisis.

Your action sequences are made for the movies, as is John’s mystery. But the drama needs work. The book slows down whenever it turns to John’s past. If you make this 1/3^rd the shortest leg in your structure (but the most important), it does its job much more efficiently. We all know what a death, a discovery, or a break-up feels like. Let that work be done for you. Set it up with the news that Lisa could not bear children (we understand immediately wow, that means…). Trust that your audience will work right along side you to entertain themselves. They want to go along for the ride too. Let them.

A last suggestion that goes against the grain of your novel but is classic sci-fi super hero stuff. Once the military realizes how powerful John is, they’re not going to want to endanger anyone that could come into contact with their “weapon.” This would mean isolation for him. Cut off from family, friends, etc. Decide how far you want to go with the idea, but it adds to a character you’ve already set up as desperate to have family, and pits him against the very forces who want to use him.

(Other Book vs. Script Dynamics to mention to the author?)

In screenwriting you have three legs to build: Story. Character. Structure.

They say that Character IS Story. That is, what John does IS the story.

They say that Story IS Structure. That is, what happens TO John and what order you choose to show it, it structure.

Take any murder mystery. If all the information were given to you in the beginning, there’d be no mystery. Take any drama and show us the ending and the story is gone. Take any comedy and give us the punchline first and it doesn’t work.

Your novel is its own creature. The same story must be reshaped and adapted in order for it to work on screen. You’ve got some great stuff here and most of it is ready-made for a screenplay.

Conclusion and Recommendation in Regards to Film Viability and Commercial Potential:

Blackhawk could be a great character for the screen. He’s a deep, conflicted person who happens to gain superhuman power. It is the classic superhero set up, and your novel does not skimp on action, romance, or drama. In order for it to translate successfully into a screenplay, you need to make some adaptations. Mainly structure. But also consider time period. A rule of thumb is that if nothing is gained, it’s extra weight. Viet Nam doesn’t add to your story. Is the period necessary? Second, you need someone who symbolizes John’s desire to tell the truth about himself, it is often a love interest. You also need someone who does keep his secret. Maybe Eric, Maybe his mother Karla. Maybe Janice. Lastly, and this is just thematic, but I really picked up on it. There is a thread of destiny and coincidence throughout the novel. You’ve got the theft of one child; John’s lost history; a telepathic twin; the meeting of the Myers Family in the desert; and the crash of a satellite onto government property. All of these are interesting, but sometimes too coincidental. My favorite is the Myers Family though. It speaks of destiny. If you can tie these threads together in a way that is natural, pre-destined, fate. Then you’ve really got something. I was waiting to see where the Myers would come back in, or why it’s important that the Webbers became his family. Even Spiderman I & II use destiny and fate and character as powerful anchors. I think Blackhawk has those anchors too, they just need to be sunk a little deeper.

Good luck if you decide to adapt this.

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